Taking Life One Day at a Time

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

on June 29, 2011

“I’ve learned that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend/s to be goofy with. It brings you back down to earth again.”

I like this quote…and if you think about it, it’s true. When your busy with anything outside of your personal life and sometimes even that itself, you’d want to escape that reality for a moment. You’d seek something or someone to give you the best distraction/peace of mind/liberation from your “busy time.” If your family oriented,sometimes you seek a family whose goofy enough to make you laugh and erase your troubles, but sometimes family just doesn’t cut it, and you seek that friend who you know “knows how to have a good time.” Now that statement means a variety of things to different people so your own interpretation and assumption should be implemented here because everyone’s idea of “fun” is not the same…SO!! 🙂 How many friends do you have? How many acquaintances do you have? Out of everyone you know (excluding family members) who do you trust the most? Who would you call/talk to in your time of need? Is there a friend that has or would be always able to stand by your side?…The theory is, that your most trusted and actual “friends” should be counted on one hand. There’s nothing wrong with having a lot of friends but the ones who are/should be important to you and that earn the label of “friend” are few. My next question to you is, how would you define a friend?

I have to apologize in advance because today’s post might be a little all over the place and may read as rambled thoughts…frankly I just had to “write” it out. And no not all details are disclosed but you will read the gist of what is relevant to today’s topic. Now back to the topic at hand!

From all the seriousness in the day, I like to unwind. The only reason why this is today’s topic is due to the fact of recent events for me…I’ve now seen my mom at her weakest…I come from a very family oriented background and parents are respected, loved, and should be admired-not just for their strengths and what they’ve accomplished in life, but also for the fact that their human and can make mistakes. Throughout my entire life I’d never seen my parents weak or feeble and in this past recent event/s with my mom, it was scary different to see her so fragile and weak, especially when all my life I’d seen her as a strong individual. It was also a twist to be taking care of her. Hispanic families are implemented with the understanding that parents raise and take care of their children, then in turn the children should take care of the parents. In today’s society not all hispanic’s carry out this belief but this is one I believe in and will follow, I just never imagined it would be this soon..I’m not going to disclose her health issues but I will say that it’s fear for her well-being and that of her family (not being able to take care of the three of us-my dad, sister, and I) that has my mother worried for getting worse. The pains returned, pressure spiked, and anxiety mixed with fear kicked in. She was scared to go to sleep…Ironically I had to take care of my online classes so I wasn’t asleep and wasn’t going to be going to sleep early…I calmly told my dad to leave the room and that she’d be fine. My dad’s a tough man but the look he gave me that night was the most trusting look I’d ever been given. So he left and it was just me and my mom. I had to ease her so she would sleep and I’d never felt my “heart breaking” as it did that night when she closed her eyes to sleep and tears slid down her cheeks. That was the first time I’d ever coddled someone. I stayed calm, cool, and “medical” (distant from the patient basically). Before leaving the bedside, I stayed looking at her for a little bit and I couldn’t help but silently break down…All I could think of was how the roles were reversed; all the times I was sick and she’d watch over me and now it seemed like the tables had turned. I know there are things in life you can’t control but I’d also never felt so helpless as I did that night. I wanted to help her but didn’t know how…so I left her to sleep.

Have you ever had a moment where you’re wanting to break down but you know you can’t or that you want to fix something for someone/take away whatever it is that’s affecting them but you can’t?

So I was up for a while, ironically doing homework for my class so “everything happens for a reason” played a part that night. My dad was up with me and he looked still a little out of sorts but he looked eased, since my mom was sleeping peacefully finally. Into the morning and she seemed to be doing well…I’d finished my classwork so it was time for bed. Thinking that things might improve, only to go through the same incident the following night once again…Have you ever had a moment in life where you’re emotional detachment helps those around you? You can be a very emotional person yet obtain emotional intelligence to the extent that depending on the circumstances you can flip a switch and think logically instead of emotionally.

Hence today’s topic! Going to a family member after something like this would probably just annoy me. They’d give me the pat/hug/warm eyes and say “everything will be ok.” Frankly I can administer that to myself and that’s not what I need after what I was feeling internally. Family members would give me understanding and empathy but for me that’s not what I need…I need that “fun”/goofy distraction which a friend can provide. So, what do you need after an emotional internal battle? Would you go to the family/family member or seek a more livening distraction from a friend?

I’ve found an interesting article pertaining to a “true friend” and thought you might like to read it, so just keep reading…

Yours truly,

A Young Adult

What Makes A True Friend

Why it takes courage to be a good friend
The Japanese have a term, kenzoku, which translated literally means “family.” The connotation suggests a bond between people who’ve made a similar commitment and who possibly therefore share a similar destiny. It implies the presence of the deepest connection of friendship, of lives lived as comrades from the distant past.Many of us have people in our lives with whom we feel the bond described by the word kenzoku. They may be family members, a mother, a brother, a daughter, a cousin. Or a friend from grammar school with whom we haven’t talked in decades. Time and distance do nothing to diminish the bond we have with these kinds of friends.The question then arises: why do we have the kind of chemistry encapsulated by the word kenzoku with only a few people we know and not scores of others? The closer we look for the answer the more elusive it becomes. It may not in fact be possible to know, but the characteristics that define a kenzoku relationship most certainly are.

WHAT DRAWS PEOPLE TOGETHER AS FRIENDS?

  1. Common interests. This probably ties us closer to our friends than many would like to admit. When our interests diverge and we can find nothing to enjoy jointly, time spent together tends to rapidly diminish. Not that we can’t still care deeply about friends with whom we no longer share common interests, but it’s probably uncommon for such friends to interact on a regular basis.
  2. History.  Nothing ties people together, even people with little in common, than having gone through the same difficult experience. As the sole glue to keep friendships whole in the long run, however, it often dries, cracks, and ultimately fails.
  3. Common values. Though not necessarily enough to create a friendship, if values are too divergent, it’s difficult for a friendship to thrive.
  4. Equality. If one friend needs the support of the other on a consistent basis such that the person depended upon receives no benefit other than the opportunity to support and encourage, while the relationship may be significant and valuable, it can’t be said to define a true friendship.

WHAT MAKES A FRIEND WORTHY OF THE NAME?

  1. A commitment to your happiness. A true friend is consistently willing to put your happiness before your friendship. It’s said that “good advice grates on the ear,” but a true friend won’t refrain from telling you something you don’t want to hear, something that may even risk fracturing the friendship, if hearing it lies in your best interest. A true friend will not lack the mercy to correct you when you’re wrong. A true friend will confront you with your drinking problem as quickly as inform you about a malignant-looking skin lesion on your back that you can’t see yourself.
  2. Not asking you to place the friendship before your principles. A true friend won’t ask you to compromise your principles in the name of your friendship or anything else. Ever.
  3. A good influence. A true friend inspires you to live up to your best potential, not to indulge your basest drives.

Of course, we may have friends who fit all these criteria and still don’t quite feel kenzoku. There still seems to be an extra factor, an attraction similar to that which draws people together romantically, that cements friends together irrevocably, often immediately, for no reason either person can identify. But when you find these people, these kenzoku, they’re like priceless gems. They’re like finding home.

HOW TO ATTRACT TRUE FRIENDS

This one is easy, at least on paper: become a true friend yourself. One of my favorite quotations comes from Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Be the friend you want to have. We all tend to attract people into our lives whose character mirrors our own. You don’t have to make yourself into what you think others would find attractive. No matter what your areas of interest, others share them somewhere. Simply make yourself a big target. Join social clubs organized around activities you enjoy. Leverage the Internet to find people of like mind. Take action.

As I thought about it, there are four people in my life I consider kenzoku. How many do you

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201002/what-makes-true-friend

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